Can Fashion connect us with others in this lonely world?

My Grandma was a pretty awesome woman. She raised six kids in Minneapolis and worked as a nurse. In her 60’s she divorced from my Grandpa. So many would have admitted defeat and retreated to a lonely quiet life. But she looked at this as a new chapter and decided she would travel around the world. She was a devout Catholic and even though the woman was very much tone deaf, she would still stand tall and belt out those hymns every Sunday at church. She was the lady that if you bumped into her in her mail room or in the commons area after church, she would talk and talk and talk and talk. My Grandma was an optimist…no wait, she was THE optimist. Always seeing the bright side, the opportunities and beauty in the world, despite her hardships.

Grandma use to take one of us six kids out for a special day here and there. Sometimes it was just a sleepover at hers to watch ‘Sound Of Music’ for the 23rd time (still one of my all time favorites). Other times just a quick trip to McDonald’s and the playground. But there is one specific time that was extremely special to me.

I was in middle school. You know, the years of absolute awkwardness and insecurities. This was a time where I didn’t really know where I fit in, if I should fit in or if I should be me. But wasn’t really sure who me was. It was a lonely time. Now looking back I know that all of that is completely normal. But then I felt unease and very much like a black sheep. I didn’t understand myself, I didn’t think others understood me either.

So when she asked my Mom if she could take me for a day of shopping for ‘Back to School’ clothes I was shocked. At the time I was quite hesitant because I thought ‘oh gosh, what am I going to end up with here’. It’s important to know that my Grandma was quite Fashionable. But 12 year old me didn’t get that because I was interested in leopard print and doodled on jeans. She was classic chic. She always had perfectly styled silvery hair. Her outfits were always pulled together, usually a blouse tucked into a pair of trousers and sometimes a silk scarf tied around her neck.

So, she picked me up in her periwinkle blue Ford Taurus that smelt of rose, her scent. She brought me to Nordstrom. My first time! Nordstrom was the Queen of stores to me then, something I wasn’t sure I’d get to experience until I was a famous fashion designer (what I wanted to be when I grew up :-) I felt so elegant walking around even entertaining the idea of buying something there. I couldn’t believe she had brought me to this place.

To my surprise she dove right in and started suggesting pieces for me to try on and pieces I actually liked. We had a blast going through the racks and tables and eventually moving to the dressing rooms to try on our findings.

I still remember the outfit I ended up with….a peacock feather printed spaghetti strap tank, with black flared trousers with a pleat down the middle of the legs. Along with a black cardigan and black, white and gray soda platform sneakers (my fellow millennials will remember those) It was so me but also a bit of her. My first time mixing in some sophistication with edge.

In the moment I saw this as just a blast of a time shopping with my Grandma. Just another activity she decided to take me on. But when I got older and looked back I realized it was her way of saying “I see you, I may not fully get you, but I’m here.” She was connecting with me.

It doesn’t have to be a shopping trip. You could simply ask a kid to show you the outfits they’re planning to wear for their first week of school (I was that kid that had all my outfits planned). Maybe your friend has an interview coming up so you ask if they want to try on their outfit options for you. Or your sister is going on a date so you ask her to send photos of the different looks she’s debating. All of which says, ‘I see you and I’m here with you.’ Connecting you to them with an invisible string.

Next time you see a woman in the Doctor’s waiting room and you like her shoes, tell her! She may have been up all night with her crying baby and it took every ounce of energy and fiber in her being to get dressed in a socially acceptable outfit. I’ve been there, it’s an isolating feeling. All though it may seem like a simple thing to you to say, it says to her “I see you and you’re doing a good job”. It’s connection in a lonely moment.

Maybe you see a guy come rushing into the elevator of work building. He steps in, quickly pushes the button for the top floor and tucks his tie back into his suit that may have fallen out due to his frantic running. You notice his tie is purple with black polka dots and think “that’s a cool tie”. TELL HIM! Who knows, he may be going to an interview for a job he’s been working towards for months. He probably tried on several suits and obsessed over a dozen different ties debating on which would say “I’m the man for the job”. And by you simply saying “That’s a cool tie”, may say to him “You got this! You’re going to do great”. And in his lonely moment, you connected.

In these times of social media, gossip headlines, passive aggressive work behaviors, fake news, the expectations of society and just the all around grind of life we feel isolated, lonely. Truth of the matter is you never know what is happening in someone’s life. Fashion is palpable and a way of communicating what we want to say. Something we can use to cut through all the bullsh** to acknowledge each other.

So the next time that rude Barista slams your coffee down with out saying a word to you…remember, maybe their partner cheated on them or they’re struggling to pay rent. Instead of making a passive comment under your breath and walking away, say “hey, I really love that top with those shoes, really pulls the look together” (I see you friend).

My Grandma wasn’t perfect and she definitely had her own tough stuff going on in her life. And maybe she didn’t fully understand me or get me. But what I think I appreciate most about her is she had the ability to push her own sh*t (she wouldn’t like my language, but it gets the point across) aside so that she could see others better, so she could connect with them better. Fashion was simply her tool she used to connect with me that day. How can you use Fashion to connect with someone today?